Friday, June 25, 2010

Pick of the Week:


Still, the Harvard Film Archive Seventies Sci Fi retrospective.
Tonight the standout revival is "Deathrace 2000" an admirable prophecy of reality TV in every way and an odd prediction of the coming wave of opportunistic Francophobia as well.
Tomorrow night it is "Glen and Randa", a post apocalyptic movie that almost never gets revived on the big screen and then Sunday it's "Solaris", all in all a tasty schedule, can't tell you which to pick as they are all so good.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

If the Red Line was any slower this morning

the damn train would've left me off in Park Street just in time for the Morlocks to finish off the Eloi in the World Cup finals of the year 800,000 AD.

Honestly, if there is a serious delay or situation the PA system on the Red Line is set to "hoarse whisper" but whenever the train operator feels a need to share their panic and whiny frustration with us, the damn loudspeakers "go up to eleven".
The slightest puff of wind, birds on the wires, not enough birds on the wires, the tracks are too wet the tracks are too try, the ground is too close...and the whole of the Red Line grinds to a miserable self pitying halt.
They say San Francisco is run by gays and hippies, but the damn trains run on time and it's in an earthquake zone too.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Pic of the week:


Dark Star (7pm) and Westworld (9pm) are both playing at the HFA tonight. Never did see "Westworld" on the Bi-ig indoor screen...
Since "Jonah Hex" isn't playing at any drive in within sane distance of my home, ah guess ah opting fer th' Crimson tonight.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Pick of the Week:


Fritz Lang's Metropolis izzat the Capitol in East Arlington.
Yup this might be yer only chance to see a classic silent movie on the Bii-ig Indoor Screen in Arlington, th' way Ghod intended it to be seen!
Let us face facts, Fritz Lang invented the fembot, Rhoda the Robot,Seven of Nine, Helen O'Loy, Dr. Evil's fembots etc etc are all descendants of the original Maria (AKA "Sweet Parody").

Sunday, June 06, 2010

I took one look at the...


Soap box racer derby that went off on Eastern Ave in Glorious Arlington and thought to myself "Why didn't someone think of this before??!!!"
For the initiated, Eastern Ave in Glorious Arlington, runs straight and true at a good thirty five to forty degree angle for almost a half mile, a nigh perfect soapbox racer course assuming the many connecting streets can be blocked off safely.
The drizzle hardly dampened anyone's ardor to race it seems...Plenty of parents and kids underfoot, looked like fun to this jaded forty seven year old.

Friday, June 04, 2010

Donovan's Reef (1963) or how I learned to stop worrying and Love John Ford


The great movie houses must one day fall, like the topmost towers of Illium. The Mendon Twin Drive In, The Capitol, the Coolidge Corner, that fortress known as the Brattle all will go to smash under the deluge of download culture.
Entropy favors Dunkin Donuts.
And when it becomes time to make my last stand on behalf of the Big Indoor Screen, I know that fate will reserve me a seat at the Harvard Film Archive.
Because only the Harvard Film Archive is willing to hazard all on a screening of John Ford's filmography, the monuments and the misfires.
Completism is a becoming irrelevant in the shadow of Youtube and Facebook, the HFA will have none of that though, they will show it all and compel all and sundry to make up their own minds.
So when it came screening "Donovan's Reef" Ford's 1963 "comedy" starring John Wayne, Lee Marvin and Elizabeth Allen, these are the life lessons I derived from this the master director's south seas swan song.

1.) It is quirte possible for John Ford to drink heavily and steadily through out the entire film making process and still produce an aimless charming derelict of a movie.

2.)Life is about brawls, grown adult men express their love by beating up their friends within an inch of stupidity.

3.) Life is also about drinking, chiefly beer and brandy at all hours of the day and even on Christmas, especially on Christmas.

4.) When in doubt lie to a woman, when really in doubt manipulate and evade if need be, take her water ski-ing over dangerous jumps.

5.) These United States are ruled by a King and he is Lee Marvin.

6.)Prim hawties from Boston will flirt with Cesar Romero but always settle for John Wayne no matter how old and battered the Duke may look.

7.) Modern engagements are sealed with a spanking on the affianced' female's backside...

So there you have it, the very nub of the Fordian Zeitgeist, a code by which to live and love the movies in good times and bad, inebriation and damning sobriety.

Monday, May 31, 2010

A charming domestic scene on the Minuteman Bikeway in Lexington

I love these Moms who get out on the bike path to rollerblade along with their babies in strollers. The go zooming off, rocking it in Mom-shorts and flashing some of the smeariest most ineptly executed tattoos in Middlesex County.

I swear, the minute the Great and General Court legalized tattoo parlors Rhode Island and New Hampshire staged a quiet pogrom and exiled only their worst tattoo artists to the Bay State.
I cannot other account for the proliferation of flaming skulls and celtic crosses that look like they were applied with a Sharpie indelible marker.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

A Proclamation:


That hereafter the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend be known henceforth as "Squalus Day" set aside as a remembrance of all those members of the United States Armed Forces who died on active duty during peacetime.

They too, paid the ultimate sacrifice and the Commonwealth is hereby encouraged to remember those soldiers and sailors in their thoughts and prayers.

Duly proclaimed under my authority as a Marshal of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (self anointed) on this day the 29th of May in the year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Ten.

Long Live the Republic
Long Live the Commonwealth

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Pick of the Week:


Undoubtedly it has to be the "John Ford goes to War" retrospective at the Harvard Film Archive on Quincy Street in Cambridge this weekend.
If ya wanna git yer war on, this is the place to go...



The funny thing about the John Ford series at the HFA is how much I am enjoying his clear misfires, oh don't get me wrong, "The Searchers" is the "Citizen Kane" of westerns, but for all that I got plenty love for stuff like "The Fugitive" (1947), Sergeant Rutledge (1960) and even a complete catastrophe like "Seven Women" (1966).
Hell I'm waiting for "The Fugitive" to come out in a definitive Criterion collection edition!
The reason for this perverse affinity for Ford's critically unheralded films is simple, sometimes a great man, a directorial genius with a lo-ong filmography reveals something more of himself when a film goes off a cliff.
In "The Fugitive" Ford surrenders to his every repressed Murnau-style expressionistic impulse no matter how inappropriate, in Sergeant Rutledge Ford attempts to single handed summon to life a black action hero (the incomparable Woody Strode) a full ten years before the genre would ever be viable and in "Seven Women", the melancholy final film to a storied career a last ardent valentine to all the actresses and women of strength he'd flirted with artistically over a forty year span.
So it goes without saying I'll be at "Donovan's Reef" tomorrow night, I hear it's nothing but an ode to drinking and bar fights with Lee Marvin and John Wayne doing the duties, I can't wait.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What would Abraham Lincoln make of Jack Bauer?


Jack that eager torturer's apprentice from the TV show "24"?

Compare his Bauer for extraordinary interrogation measures with Lincoln's refusal to shoot deserters from the Union Army on grounds that the mere threat might frighten the poor souls to death.
Just sayin'...

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Iron Man 2 (2010)


You know why they can churn these sequels out so damn quickly? Beacause it is simply the same script as the original with a rewritten subplot one new additional character and the same climax bolstered by like twenty five hostile robots and another armored antagonist.
Oh and somewhere in the middle there is some dollar book Freudian daddy issues for hero Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr) to confront, I mean they have to pace the explosions and mayhem somehow.
Nobody seems to mind this because the cast is so god-damned good, from Robert Downey Junior to Gwyneth Paltrow down to Sam Rockwell and even Scarlett Johansson (who had maybe fifteen lines in the whole damn movie), all this rubbish is acted with consummate panache'.
But you know what? When it comes to tent pole super hero movies, casting is destiny. When the actors click even tedious junk like Super-Man III works, when the casting fails you have Daredevil or even worse The Fantastic Four.
Wen you haven't a shred of originality, a stellar cast seems to be a key element, object lesson going forward for anyone wanting revitalize the Superman franchise among others.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Kick Ass (2010)



Based on the outraged and appalled review in "The New Yorker", I was expecting "Kick Ass" to come off like Pasolini's Salo mixed in with the classic West-n-Ward Batman.
So of course on the basis of the revulsion of the New Yorker, I ran right out to see dis sumbitch.
Alas it was a good action movie even a great one, nebbisher high schul geek (Aaron Johnson, a kid with a future sez I) becomes overhyped amatuer super hero only to fall in with the serious all up heroes and villians...but was I appalled and outraged?
No.
God-damn New Yorker, played me like a yokel.
I had to make do with strong fight scenes (with real choreography that makes sense and wasn't overcranked past the point of incoherence) and a scene stealing performance from newcomer Chloe Moretz as the foulmouthed omnicompetent junior super heroine, Hit Girl.
If Young Miss Moretz doesn't end up in the Lindsay Lohan wing of the Robert Downey Jr Center, she may have a real career ahead of her in action films.
In all, I liked it, fun, sickening violent and funny, I even overlooked Nick Cage's baaa-ad Adam West impersonation.
No one can do the West, no one.
Sorry Nick.
My one regret is that I did not see this at the Drive In, ah well ya can't have everything....

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Idle thought:



All of earthquake ravaged Haiti could be clothed and likely fed indefinitely on the money that Hollywood has spent to date trying to convince the American People that Sarah Jessica Parker is a sex symbol to put Cleopatra to shame.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Gotta love Calvin Borel

on the ground he is sh*t kicker in extremis, but just put him the saddle of a thoroughbred racer and he instantly transforms into Nietzsche's superman!
And today at the Kentucky Derby he did it again, defied a soupy track, a blazing sun and a cavalry charge of nineteen other horse to carry the day at Churchill Downs for a third time atop "Super Saver".
Even as I write this he is showboating happily and boasting that "Super Saver" is the horse that'll get him the coveted and looo-ong vacant Triple Crown.
Ghod I love it when Lunacy and Ambition team up to take on the world.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Red Line Lemons...

There was a god-awful fire on the Red Line last night at Downtown Crossing, so today the MBTA was being real up front with us predicting all sorts of signal driven delays as we crept in town.
Well, you knew something was up because even Alewife Station smelled of nasty electrical fire type smoke today.
Well, I don't mind it as long as they are prompt with warnings, frankly it is a wonder the Red Line isn't reduced to hitching the trains to teams of oxen at all given the T's financial problems.
Anyhow, I opted to make sweet lemonade out of today's lemons, I bolted off the train at Charles Street and strolled thru the Public Garden and on into work.
If you have a chance do this, the flower beds are in bloom and the swan boats are smartly lined up like destroyer flotillas at anchor.
A very restful verdant scene to be sure, now I am fortified for the day's challenges at the mid level of the life insurance industry.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I give the "V" remake another two weeks


and then pffft, cancellation.

It is a shame but even when you remake a sci fi series that wasn't that good to begin with, there are no guarantees.
I mean "Battlestar Galactica" opened those floodgates but they had the good fortune to be on a basic cavble station where the bar was set mighty low.
Likely ABC will replace "V" with some reality show dross "Who wants to be a pile of organic ashes" or some game show where the prize is being Steve Jobs' simian toady "The Ape-pprentice".
Oh well, poor luckless Laura Vandervoort will be back doing auditions and signing her autograph for $20 a shot at the Motor City Comicon.
I wish her and cast mates well.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Biblio Envy on the Green Line


On one side of me sat a tall youthful aryan specimen, obviously a sophomore at BC reading (what else?) Atlas Shrugged.
On the other side of me a slender young woman, impeccably dressed for the office reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo".
And across from me a slightly scruffy looking elderly gentleman reading Aristotle's "Nicomachean Ethics".
And there I reposed undaunted reading Kenneth Robeson's seminal work of post modernism, "Death in Silver".

Well sh*t at least mine had a pirate submarine in it...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Requiem for a Drive In


It is my sad duty to inform you all that the almighty Tri Town Drive In up in Leominster Ma has been torn down this past winter.
The handwriting was on the wall for the past couple of years, rumors of imminent sales clouded the air like mosquitoes for the past three summers, but somehow the blade never quite fell, until now of course.
For a while last year, the patient rallied, that hu-uge outdoor screen had been carefully stone-washed and repaired, it never looked higher or more imposing than it did last summer, like it would outlast the next Ice Age.
But it was in the end, the Twilight of the Gods.
Sadly family issues prevented me from getting out there much last summer, it may well be an ironic matter of record that the very last film I saw there was"The Land of the Lost" starring Will Ferrell.
Well what of it?
This whole mishaugas started on a trivial note as well, "The Sandlot" (1993) on a double bill with "Hot Shots Part Deux" as I recall.
Frankly I saw a lot of irredeemable junk at the Tri Town ("I Love a Mystery, "Warriors of Virtue"), I nearly got my head bashed in by some travelers during a screening of "My Super Ex Girlfriend", And during "A.I." the film kept melting and breaking which was a cue for baffled and outraged families to peel out the exit in a cloud of dust.
Still and all that, going to the Tri Town was an adventure, maybe the lat real film adventure of my life, who knows?
It was The Destination for any bloated summer epic, the Star Wars prequels, the inevitable tent pole super hero movie or maybe just maybe something fun that slipped between the cracks (expl. "Joe Dirt").
I saw S.W.A.T. there, Righteous Kill with DeNiro and Pacino slumming with supreme nonchalance and then ghod help me, Adam Sandler in "Mister Deeds".
Somewhere deep in this improbable love affair with an outdoor cinema, I formulated a radical aphorism "A Bad Night at the Drive In is better than a Good Night at the Multiplex"....Lord knows how avidly I sought to test that notion over sixteen years.
I think my grandest most impossible film fantasy was to somehow "four wall" the Tri Town and screening Herschell Gordon Lewis' "Two Thousand Maniacs" on a double bill with Arch Hall Jr. in "The Sadist",
Like I said impossible, but fun to think about.
One night alone, I drove thru a downpour to see "Deep Impact" , miraculously as I pulled up to the Tri Town the clouds parted, the sun shone thru and wen it set, I was rewarded with the near destruction of the world as we know all up on that outdoor screen in technicolor.
I had quite literally parted the clouds...Does anyone else have such a vivid memory of such an innocuous disaster movie?
That was the sheer power of the Tri Town, it was in the end, a portal out into the Land of Ghosts where the Gods go to war atop pterodactyls and mooks like Seth Rogen can marry Cleopatra sans demure.
But the curtain falls, seemingly on everything we love.
Still sixteen years is a long time, there are happy marriages that do not last so long.

So at last, I bid the Tri Town Farewell, they always started screening early and ran straight thru to mid October so this will be a very bittersweet drive in season this year I think.

Monday, April 12, 2010

THE DRIVE INS ARE OPEN! THE DRIVE INS ARE OPEN!!!

The Mendon Twin lights up this Friday night....
This absolves no one in our readership from attending our screening of "The Dragon Lives Again" this Friday night though.
Let us not get ahead of ourselves...

:D

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Idle cultural conjuration...


What sort of a wine goes best with a "Brucesploitation" kung fu flick from the 1970's?

The boys in the back room all chorus "Red Wine of course!", but I wanted to ruminate on the topic a bit seeing as how the Somerville Theater now serves beer and wine.

Anyhow, join us Friday Night April 16th at 8pm for a rare screening of "The Dragon Lives Again" starring Bruce Leong. Admission a mere five bucks to discover just what sort of mayhem the late Bruce Lee got up to in the afterlife.

Friday, April 09, 2010

A Commonwealth and it's Unfinished Projects:

1.) Bond issue for the purchase of a state-of-the-art atomic self destruct mechanism for Middlesex County.

2.)A Klaxon in Every Bathroom (Note: Stimulus funds pending)

3.)Fully fund "Leave no Troglodyte Behind". (Application filed with US Department of Education)

4.) Decommission the Massachusetts State Recluse Academy.

5.)Dam up the Charles River, freeze it using 100% green-certified dry ice and establish a year round "reserve polar ice cap".

6.) New Elementary School drive to suppress early childhood jell-o drownings.

7.) Babes, Chicks, Frails & Skirts.

8.) Establishment of a Umass Amherst School of the Black Arts.

9.) Revise and simplify the state's first in the nation chowderhead certification program.

10.) National Guard Rocket Patrol.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

All I wanna know is...



Which one of you sonsabitches went backslidin' on The Lord and brought down a second Biblical Deluge upon us???

Sunday, March 28, 2010

"Up in the Air Junior Birdmen"

My pick of the week:

The Harvard Film Archive is screening "Air Mail" a 1932 aerial drama directed by John Ford tomorrow night at 7pm starring Ralph Bellamy, Gloria Stuart and Pat O'Brien.
I'm enjoying the hell of the HFA's current John Ford retrospective, like a lot of golden age film-makers Ford seems to have had instinctive identification with the underdog, this led him down some odd paths, from a toleration for the groveling antics of Stepin Fetchitt to many many manful attempts to make that redoubt of an actor, John Wayne seem like less than a sure bet.
I gotta hand it to him though, Ford is one of those guys who can shoot gloomy expressionistic interiors a'la Murnau and then turn around and make his next film feel like a documentary in the blazing desert sun of Monument Valley.
Hell "The Searchers" alone convinced me John Wayne really could act...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Stranded at Charles Street Red Line Station this morning


due to a disabled train AND a medical emergency in one of the other cars. Usually I'm full of snarkage at delays like this, but when the Fire Department start shouldering their way thru your car on their way to some unknown mishaugas, it is strictly "There But For the Grace of God" time with me.
Anyway it gave me a chance to walk to work and pass thru the Public Gardens as well, which might be a nice walk indeed some weekday morning when Spring really hits.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Channel Zero Lives!

The reports of the death of our film and video series are greatly exaggerated!
Because on Friday April 16th at 8pm, Channel Zero will return at the Somerville Theater in Davis Square for a one-in-a-lifetime screening of the most infamous "Brucesploitation" martial arts film ever made, "The Dragon Lives Again!" (1977.
Ever wondered what happened to Bruce Lee in the afterlife?
Director Key Law did, the genius behind such anti-classics as "Crippled Masters" cast Bruce Leong as Bruce Lee and sent the late Martial Arts Master off to Purgatory where he fights to thwart a hellish coup masterminded by Dracula, The Godfather and "The Exorcist".
Weid doesn't begin to describe this movie! Image an Ed Wood Jr. film with kunh fu throw in and you might start getting close to the truth of it!

Join Us, April 16th at 8pm for "The Dragon Lives Again" in the Somerville Theatre's screening room!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Ah Saint Patrick's Day


that day of days when I the very Scion of One Hundred Hardy Sons of Ireland, ardently wish that I was born Italian.

I mean how would you like it if the Gawd Damned beer brewery's took over your signature ethnic holiday?

Friday, March 12, 2010

Sharktopus!!!

Say...It...out...Loud


Sharktopus!!!

Of course this is a pending TV monster movie on SyFy...but the crowning glory?
It stars Eric Roberts and will be directed by Roger Corman!
I'm kvelling, simply kvelling.
Geez, remember when Eric Roberts was a Man of Destiny? Golden Globe Award, "Runaway Train" he even had a cute little sister named Julia that everyone thought would end up decorating some sitcom in a supporting type role.
Now look what has happened, Eric is living in Julia's pool-house and paying his rent by acting as unofficial au pair...
Ah but he has landed Sharktopus!
The road to glory beckons!!!

Monday, March 08, 2010

"The Crazies" (2010)

Imagine, George Romero probably has made more on one of these licensed remakes of his old horror classics than he made in ten years as a low budget director.
And for once, the remake is worth the price of admission. Then as now the story is simple, small town sheriff tries to get his pregnant wife past a military cordon when a bio-weapon is accidentally released turning friends and neighbors into raving killers.
In the 1973 original the clumsily executed quarantine is a metaphor for the US involvement in Viet Nam, civilians are gunned down, the army makes fatal mistakes, troops are poorly trained and badly lead.
If the original had a flaw it was in it's cheap ass budget and over-reliance on first time actors, a lot of scenes that ought to hit home are botched for purely technical reasons.
This time Producer George Romero has the scratch to execute a pretty tightly draw survival tale letting the political aspects creep in by inference. In all it is a scary movie one of the better plague-based horror films I've seen of late, I give it three stars solid.
.

To think that I once dismissed Kathryn Bigelow

as a director of entertaining but preposterous cops-n-robbers movies.
And as of today she stands tall as an Oscar Winner for directing "The Hurt Locker"...The sort of gritty macho techno-drama that her ex-husband James Cameron was trying to make out of "Avatar".
Well, this goes to show yuh, not everyone is Orson Welles bursting out of Zeus' forehead ready for battle armor and all. Some people have to work their way up towards "mature artistic integration", Ms. Bigelow would be in the later category.
Well, whatever the woman is my new heroine, I don't wanna overstate things, but she may have just saved Hollywood from digital triviality last night.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Oscar Memories


Somewhere in the first half hour of Miss Congeniality, Michael Caine's beauty pageant coach turns to Sandra Bullock's tomboyish FBI agent and intones "This-Woman-Has-No-Talent!"
***
But nevertheless Sandy is up for an Oscar in a movie that wouldn't rate prime time on the Oxygen Network.
I mean forget about "Speed Part 2" and even her Leopold and Loeb homage "Murder by Numbers"...Nope playing some Confederate Shrew with a burning drive to raise up an African American Football player is the path to glory.
Funny how Oscar works...funny.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Today the M.F.A. , Tomorrow the World...

My old college chum Rebecca Cathcart-Monet sworn an oath in the Temple of Apollo in Rochester New Hampshire that in 2010 she'd take me to see the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum.
"Forty seven is none too late to sample the ineffable Italian sunshine on the Fenway" she chided by email.
And so on Saturday she took off in her orange reconditioned SPAD VII biplane and executed a perfect three point landing on Atlantic Avenue across from South Station. Swiftly we chained the vintage aircraft to a local bicycle rack certain that it would be taken for a mountain bike if push came to shove, we piled into my Buick Sailmaster and rode the harbor trades all the way to Huntington Avenue.
Rebecca duly announced on the way that we needed to "limber up" with Japanese No Robes, Chinese tea cups and sundry Asian tapestries and that meant a storming assault on the Museum of Fine Arts before the Gardner opened.
I demurred not one whit and only added a fond desire to meditate briefly over the Roman antiquities, I am after all, a parochial school survivor and therefore an inconstant slave of the classics.
Y' know I love the MFA, their film series is the last refuge for the footloose cineaste', the collections are huge and impressive...But some of the presentation decisions are plainly inexplicable.
By that I mean the Albrecht Durer exhibition was carefully executed to place the prints at eye level and with good lighting so that the artists eye for detail was readily apparent even to the unschooled observer The smirk on the punim of the Angel of Death fairly leaps out at the viewer.
On the other hand a whole gallery entitled "European Art" (like something out of a Tim Burton movie) is naught but a collection of Renaissance masters stacked up three high on the stone walls like the overdone Foyer of Reichsmarshal Hermann Goering's "Karinhall" palace.
One can just about appreciate the fleshy buttocks of Rubens' Aphrodite and that is about it, the rest of it goes up and up and fairly disappears into the cloud cover.
Ah but the Roman antiquities section still beguiles, the stylized busts of the Emperor Augustus bespeaks two thousand years of robust political toadyism in the West.
A firm little hand on my elbow and I am dragged across the street to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, a venue I didn't know from Adam.
Italian sunshine indeed, Rebecca, did not lie, for at the center of the ISG is her own personal renaissance refuge a courtyard warmed to perpetual spring by cunning sky lights and sublimely decorated with statuary and verdant plants by the late Mrs. Gardner.
This is literally the first time in my life I saw a person just commune with a particular space the way Rebecca did. She just raised her sweet face up to the warming sunshine that fell on us like very gaze of God Almighty and smiled like the Mona Lisa.
She sighed, like she had come home at last.
***
The scale of it all impressed me greatly, nothing out of place, proportions nigh perfect.
There is a line between the excessive and the exquisite, the line is drawn by sheer taste.
Taste can be cultivated, it can evolve, grown and touch all sorts of remote parts of our lives, when you have it, something as beautiful as the Courtyard of the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum is the result, when you don't have it, you end up with say, San Simeon that living monument to gigantism built by William Randolph Heart in California.
"Mrs. Gardner built this for Rebecca" I thought "And all the Rebeccas yet to come".

***
The collection is varied and fairly crammed into the old Gardner Family mansion, almost none of it is tagged or explained in any way. I felt myself fortunate to identify a Canaletto on the basis of the style alone. There is something so quintessentially Brahmin about building a museum that assumes the patron can already draw on a excellent knowledge of art from the git-go.
Failing that just go with Rebecca, she knows her this stuff like a coyote knows cheap nosh.
Nonetheless for all its eccentricities, the ISG is a place to cherish, it is possibly the only museum on the Eastern Seaboard whose idea of sheer kitsch is one of regimental Standards of Napoleon I's dreaded Imperial Guard.
However when the Madonnas with Child grew to a dozen between two museums, the pangs of hunger finally intervened and thus we tacked over the bridge for burgers in the shadow of MIT.
We came, we saw we imbibed.
Soon enough, she cried "contact" and took off with her matching orange scarf snapping crisply in the wash, I waved as her SPAD VII dwindled into the blue skies and thought "How in Hell's name am I ever gonna top a day like this???"

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Searchers (1956)

Forty seven is about as good an age to see John Ford's landmark western for the first time, ah reckon.
John Wayne and a defiantly blue eyed Cherokee "half breed" played by Jeffrey Hunter go off the ranch questing to steal back the Duke's niece from some ubiquitous indians.
In fact, Wayne and Hunter spent five desolate years wandering the wastes of Monument Valley searching for a girl that may have gone over to the Indian's side in the interim. Will Wayne stick by his "principles" and kill his niece (for shacking it up with a "Buck"), will Jeffrey Hunter (doomed by fate to be the Man Who Turned Down Star Trek) find love?
Now, under anyone else's direction this would be unmemorable rubbish, but John Ford turns this into a sort of Odyssey on Horseback, the damn film just gallops over it's inherent cliches.
Frankly, "The Searchers" is the movie "Avatar" desperately wants to be, a mass market adventure film with a strong dramtic core and plenty of high ending opportunities for actors to ply their craft.
Too bad James Cameron's computerized super-fantasy is so fatally hobbled by it's own lavish budget and setting. But then, the poor man didn't have access to the wonders of Monument Valley or that human mountain range, John Wayne...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Idle conjuration on a snow-day

Compare this clip from George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead" (1978) to the typical coverage you get from "Newspanic Seven" or Fox 25 during a snowstorm...And then tell me what you think....

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Mystery Team (2009)

This may well be the "Citizen Kane" no...no...NO the "Magnificent Ambersons" of G-rated kid detectives trapped in a R-Rated world movies.
I can filch no no higher praise for this movie...By all means, sell the house, sell the car and sell your loved ones if you must, but all the same get to the Brattle Theater before Thursdays to see this amazing film. Three kid detectives now dorky high school student continue to patrol the playgrounds catching pie thieves and the like until and eight year old girl asks them with all due sweetness to solve the murder of her parents.
A set up worthy of Chandler IMHO in the hands of three aging "Hardy Boys" wannabees.
Filmed on location in Manchester New Hampshire (where I spent my formative years doing nothing with style), Mystery Team is a gross, tasteless and scatological in extremis, but it is also funny a cheap indie production that blew itself right into Superbad's orbit on the first try.
See it, Mystery Team won't be in town long.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Fetishes: an informal iconography for straight men


1.) Green slave girls from Orion (Star Trek)

2.) Emily Deschanel

3.) Princess Leia and her Pittsburgh steel yard bikini (Star Wars)

4.) Emma Peel

5.) Uma Thurman's feet (by way of Quentin Tarantino)

6.) The very Late Betty Page

7.) Fembots

8.) Terry Garr

9.) The All American Dominatrix with the fake Teutonic accent

10.) Janeane Garofalo

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Avatar'd (2009)


It is always a bad sign when I have the title of the Mad Magazine parody of a big movie, down cold halfway thru the picture.
Oh don't get me wrong it is an amazing movie, a technical achievement of the first rank. But the script, in which a space marine (Sam Worthington's digital doppelganger) goes native on a planet coveted by a mining corporation only to lead the locals in an attack on their occupiers draws on everything from "Little Big Man" out to "Dances with Wolves"....And doesn't do much else quite frankly.
Spectacular, but unmemorable.
All I can say is, that it ain't no game changer til the script breaks as much new ground as the technology, and that is never gonna happen as long as James Cameron is in the director's chair.
***
No, Avatar is interesting chiefly for it's meta-context, digital avatars in Hollywood of Sam Worthington and Sigourney Weaver enacting a script about DNA avatars loping around verdant jungles of the planet Pandora.
Can Sigourney Weaver trademark and copyright the 40-ish version of her own sweet self that Cameron ended up using in the picture? Does that mean that a 40-ish avatar of Sigourney Weaver could be still working in Hollywood for the next ten years?
Can the digitize Buster Crabbe's physique and start making new Flash Gordon movies?
Start touching up everyone's time worn faces?
Why stop there?
Why stop anywhere for that fact?
Does the past now have an ending, with this technology in play?
I'm just hoping on the next application someone makes a better movie, I think I've got a long wait though.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Okay, on the plus side, it is another superlative performance from Robert Downey Junior even if his english accent wavers in and out all thru the movie. He gets the semi-divine curse that is the Holmesian super intellect, quite literally his deductive stills render him remote erratic and yet hopelessly needy.
Jude Law's Doctor Watson is a sort of thwarted man of action, he enables Holmes, puts up with Holmes' bizarre personal habits mostly because the Master Detective brings him the conflict and danger he craves.
Too bad the script is so meshugginah, eee-vil aristocrat plotting the downfall of Great Britain by subverting a bunch doddering old wankers and then massacring parliament. All executed with as much verve and action as any "Lethal Weapon" sequel, and that is the core problem, Holmes is not really an action hero for all his bona fides as a crimefighter. He is a problem solver, when the crisis degenerates into a plot to gas parliament, well that is a job for Batman not Sherlock. Holmes is an intensive character, the action ought to revolve around his thought processes and his interaction with the clues and suspects.
Super-scale settings and sundry explosions and even an ultimate fighting style sequence just don't suit him.
Still I give Director Guy Ritchie credit, he veered off the outright supernatural at the last minute but the whole thing felt less like Conan Doyle and more like Scooby Doo.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A serious moment:

I provide a link to the Red Cross for anyone in my tiny readership who might wanna make some contributions for Haitian earthquake relief.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Punchlines....

"Breath stupid! You forgot to breathe again!"

"We ALL put the yeast in!"

"G-U-N-P-O-W-D-E-R....Duhhh TOBACCO!"

"NO...Not that!!! NOT ROLL OUT THE BARREL ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"And when it disintegrates, it REALLY disintegrates!"

"As God is my witness, I really thought Turkey's could fly."

"It don't add up!"

"No, I'm delivering a bridge, and I've lost me way"

"Tain't a fit night out, for man nor beast!"

And a classic from my misspent youth in Antrim New Hampshire

"Wrecked em'? Damn near killed him!"

Sunday, January 10, 2010

My top movies for 2009

This would be a top ten list but due to my dad's illness I just haven't hit the movies as much as I'd a liked this year.
Hell I was lucky to see "Star Trek" at the drive in.


The Hurt Locker (2009) directed by Kathryn Bigelow Lu-uved this flick, best war movie I've seen in a decade. This and "Saving Private Ryan" are the twin pillars that hold up the heavens in my humble opinion.

Yoo Hoo Mrs. Goldberg (2009) directed by Aviva Kempner Wonderful film about the rise of depression actress/writer/producer Gertrude Berg. She broke thru about three glass ceilings and hardly anyone today remembers her.

Afghan Star (2009) directed by Havana Marking All about the behind the scenes action on a Afghan style "American Idol" type show, proof positive that narcissism, greed, vanity, religious dementia and even sometimes a weird stoic courage can e found even in the remotest parts of this breathing Earth.

The World's Greatest Dad (2009) directed by Bobcat Goldthwaite Normally I loathe Robin Williams and the sentimental rubbish he appears in, but here, as a harassed high school english teacher who turns the suicide of his insolent and appalling son (Daryl Sabara) into a literary triumph, Williams finally pays off in spades. I think Williams is a blight on Hollywood but when he is good he is really good....Which only makes me all the angrier with him. Why does it take him ten yeas to find a script this raw and this good, doesn't he know how to say No to dreck like "Patch Adams".

District Nine (2009) directed by Neil Blumkamp Aliens, segregation, social science fiction, the second coming of Rod Serling in the Twenty First Century...What more could anyone ask??

Inglourious Basterds (2009) directed by Quentin Tarantino Mediocre Tarantino trumps nine tenths of the competition every time. The boy is that good. Besides anyone who is willing to completely re-write history just to give his movie a bang up firefight ending is aces high in my books.

The Informant! (2009) directed by Steven Soderbergh - Oscar class performance from Matt Damon as a sociopathic whistleblower at a chemical concern. Likely this film will be overlooked due to the heavy comedy content...Helluva shame.

Zombieland (2009) directed by Ruben Fleischer. Best zombie flick I've seen since "Shaun of the Dead". great performances, especially from Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson, I just wish I'd a seen it at the Drive In.

Me and Orson Welles (2009) directed by Richard Linklater Ah the Sifu has lived to become a film legend all of himself, a Charles Foster Kane of the Theater, Cinema and TV wine commercials. If he had lived, no one would have appreciated the joke better than Welles himself.

As I said it was a tough year, both here and in my personal life, but better times are coming, watch this space for the details.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Sh*t my mother says:

"Drive around the block and see if the roads are icy, if they are icy, I won't go visit your father at the VA hospital. If they aren't icy then you can drive me up there and drop me off".

Friday, January 01, 2010

Idle notion....


Angelina Jolie looks like Wednesday Adams idea of a Barbie Doll.
With those perpetually crazy eyes, that nose seemingly designed by I.M. Pei or a plastic surgeon of the brutalist school and her bloated too wide mouth, she might just fit in as a limb-hacker in the next round of torture porn movies.
Oh and she is in a new spy thriller called "Salt", the preview looks terrible.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Panic Buying:


( A snow storm list found in a parking lot this evening here in Romantic Arlington)




Three Typewriter Ribbons (black preferably)
Four Betamax Videotapes (blank)
One man hole cover ( cast iron, IMPORTANT)
One Quart, "Rupert's Old Fashioned Adding Machine Oil"
One copy of "A Freemason's Guide of the Non-Migratory Birds of the Northeastern United States, Volume One"
Dippity-Do
Little Debbies
1 Reserve Hang Glider
Three Cork Life Preservers (If they only have styrofoam then forget it)
Three pair My-Tee Fine, Polar Sandals.
Board Certified Mexican Bull Taser with optional padded & reinforced horn cozies.
Three Parasols (Polar Fleece, Pink, IMPORTANT)
Three boxes of Pineapple Flavored Ka-Boom
1 quart of "Olde Middlesex County Bust-Head" (Black Label)
Little Debbies
I tin bucket of "Hobo Joe's Gin" (note Joe is strictly a cash operation)
1/2 gallon of Ocean Spray Missile Juice
Six Fresh plasma fed Gourds (NO imports)
1 quart Clairol brand elite vodka (red label, use the coupon )
Grutenbourg's Classic Steel Cut just-add-sand Instant Microwave Bread
Don't forget the Little Debbies.


Please hurry they are predicting over four inches of snow between Wednesday and Sunday.

Just can't seem to work up any enthusiasm to see


"Avatar" anytime soon. I must be the only SF fan in the USA so inclined, but then when the genre started making people big bucks I found my interest waning.
Then again, James Cameron is the most unoriginal film-maker on the planet, the whole plotline to "Avatar" reminds me of Ben Bova's old sci fi novel "The Winds of Altair".

Sunday, December 27, 2009

"Me and Orson Welles" (2009)


This is a title that could apply very well to yours truly, if it is one topic on which I count myself a perfectly pathetic cultist it is Orson Welles,
I wanted to like the film very much as it recounts a seminal moment in the Welles' legend, his 1937 modern dress version of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar and indeed Christian McKay wisely opts to inhabit the Wellesian style rather than try to impersonate the great director in the fashion of Maurice LaMarche.
But a subplot involving Orson's entirely fictional teenaged protege played by Zac Efron and his short lived affair with Welles' long suffering secretary (Claire Danes) veers uncomfortably close to Cougartown if not statutory rape.
The last third of the film though is a wonderment as opening night of Caesar is recreated for the screen right down to the blackshirt uniforms, Caesar's assassination down to the death of Cinna the Poet at the hands of a fascist lynch mob, you suddenly get a sense of just how powerful Orson Welles' ideas really were when it came to enacting Shakespeare for the modern audience.
I'm sure there is more to Zac Efron than being a pin up boy, he did hold his own against Christian McKay and that is something (against Welles even in his dotage though, Efron would have been reduced to a red smear on the soundstage floor)...But his lovely dovey interludes with Claire Danes (herself a former Juliet no less) were superfluous filler at best if not cringe inducing to watch.
Alas though, Welles the director, the great teacher of film-makers has become a legend whose life has become outright film fodder, I'm not sure this is the sort of immortality he was shooting for when he set out to top "Citizen Kane."
Three stars, Liked the cast, loved the topic, had some issues with the script.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve....


Finished up my wrapping, poured myself a drink and settling down to watch my favorite holiday movie....WATERLOO!

Because nothing sez Holiday Cheer quite like watching the flower of Napoleon's Grand Armee go toe to toe with Wellington's Beefeaters for the whole shebang, domination of Europe and the rights appertaining thereof!

And Rod Steiger, a yuletide tradition in one package, the man is GIANT! Made Huge by a twenty yer diet of scenery swallowed whole!

Merry Christmas to All!
Vive L' Emperor!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My High School Memories are packing up and moving to Savin Hill...

Yes indeed, North Cambridge Catholic on Norris Street in North Cambridge (obviously) is moving to Boston to get closer to it's core constituency.
I can already hear the anguished yelps and cries from both active and torpid alumnae, hell I could easily draw up a list and it'd be pretty accurate too.
Well this has been an inevitable thing, NCC stopped being a cozy little neighborhood HS back in 1976 when the first wave of kids desperate to escape busing in Boston came staggering in from Dorchester, Hyde Park and Southie.
And NCC has progressively draw from distant parks of Boston ever since then with a rising enrollment at a time when Catholic High Schools were being padlocked all over the Archdiocese. All Cristo Rey has done, is made NCC financially independent of the Diocese, put her in the black and made a virtue of the inexorable.
Me?
I'm fine with it, better alive in Savin Hill than a bunch of condos in North Cambridge, besides it isn't where you are, it is who you are...But believe me other people are gonna be incensed in extremis.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Every winter I re-learn the same painful lesson

that at the least hint of snow, the MBTA's Red Line quickly descends into a witless fiasco.
Case in point tonight where a "disabled train at Alewife" compelled the use of shuttle buses between Harvard, Porter, Davis and Alewife with the usual patently "cross Cambridge crawl" thrown in for good measure.
Hell I threw in the towel in Harvard Square, grabbed a cab with some guy from a financial advisory firm and hacked it to Alewife.
To think I once tooled around Andropov's Moscow on the subway with nary a worry about getting to my destination on time.
Alas the Red Line is concerned you can count on exactly nothing after a snow storm.
Granted this was a derailment and thank God no one was hurt. Nonetheless similar scenes of absolute maddening paralysis have been going every winter for over five years now.
has anyone reeled to their feet in the State House in outrage and high dudgeon?
No, them folks is all on Christmas break, God help us.
The MBTA is underfunded, understaffed, outmoded and outgunned, period end of story.
Fixing what is wrong goes beyond spending more money or hiring better people or busting the unions or crushing the kulaks. No, It starts with a change in ethos and by that I mean that the interests of those that commute by highway can never supercede the interests of those that commute by bus or rail. We spent untold billions on the fabled Big Dig lets make fixing the MBTA at least as big and as lasting a priority.
Any politician that gets that and has a positive program to move this ball forward has my vote.
1.) Equality of interests
2.) Restoring the MBTA to the level of efficiency associated with the Moscow Metro circa 1983....Cuz right now, the Red Line would be an embarrassment even to the communists.

A moment of silence please...


Arnold Stang is dead....
And look at that list of credits, I mean he goes all the way back to "Captain Video and his Video Rangers" on TV.
Who knew he was a local?
I always pegged that accent of his as High Brooklyn fer sherr.
Arnold Stanf might be one of the few character actors who stole every single scene he was ever in TV or Movies or Community Theater for that fact.
Not bad for a kid from Chelsea whose voice never quite changed....

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Apropos of nothing


But there is a big picture of Santa Claus tacked up next to the obligatory color photo of the Commander in Chief up at the VA LTC facility wherein my esteemed and honorable father loafs these days.
Which gave me the idle thought, "How the hell does Santa Claus get past all the security at the White House?"
He must have a high security clearance, imagine that background check eh?

***
Meanwhile, once upon a time adult film maker Barry Mahon went out onto the arid beaches of Florida, summoned the Powers and Principalities of the Air, Fire and Water...and at dusk he returned home having made this film "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny".






The Rabbit looks stoned, but then it was 1971.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Paul Naschy is dead...


Franco's Spain never ever produced a better werewolf.
Ah but in his day Paul was a phenom, writer, director, principal actor he was a direct inspiration to other horror auteurs in the Latin world everyone from Coffin Joe down in Brazil to Jess Franco (Spain's other big horror director.
Okay hats off & incline your heads, this is one werewolf who won't rise again sad to say.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Screening "Thunderball" (1965)

In a vain attempt to stay warm on this cold December evening.
This would be second of many many many James Bond films set in the sunny warm Caribbean...Nassau to be exact.
Here, take a look at "Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" the unused theme song to the film looped over the original credit sequence...Sung by Dionne Warwick no less.
Other than that, this is the "hump 007" the film that set all the iconic James Bond film elements in stone, all of the franchise's subsequent entries borrowed heavily from Thunderball's zippy zeitgeist.
And if you wanna learn how this particular film's script all but prematurely killed Ian Fleming, then please check out Robert Sellers and Len Deighton's "The Battle for Bond".
It is a very suggestive and interesting read.

Monday, December 07, 2009

My Last Three Movies:

Haven't gotten out to the movies much lately, but I have been screening some of my DVD hoard on a regular basis.

The Caine Mutiny(1954) MiGhod this is a good movie! Saw it as a High Schooler back in the day and the film has lost none of it's allure for me. It is a superlative performance from Humphrey Bogart as the tyrannical & cowardly Captain Queeg buttressed by an outstanding supporting cast. Only in the demise of the studio system could Fred McMurray (once a Fox mainstay), Van Johnson (the golden boy of MGM) and Humphrey Bogart (the uncrowned King of Warner Brothers) ever star in a film together.

Superman Returns (2006)I don't give a good gawd-damn what the fanocracy sez on line, this was a good movie in every way. The action is carefully paced, the acting is up to the challenge and the effects are lavish...what more could we want?
Perhaps Kal El's possible sorta maybe son was a bridge too far...and maybe Brandon Routh went a little flat in a scene or two and maybe another land grab by Lex Luthor was too much of a good thing.
On the other hand, this is a Superman adaptation was was definitely worth avoiding...
I think twenty years from now, when the dust has finally settled from the Siegel Fanily's lawsuit and another Superman movie drought has been endured, people will look back on this title with more esteem and approval.

Compulsion
(1958)Simply put, Orson Welles' best performance in a film he himself did not direct. In this fictionalized treatment of the infamous Leopold and Loeb case Welles' shines as the Clarence Darrow homage and proves once and for all that given a class script he could underplay and let the words do the work sans reocurse to ham and or bombast.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Snow Storm Liquor (a brief inventory)

As the year progresses I am in the habit of putting half empty bottles of hard liquor in a milk crate in the cellar as a sort of stash against a serious blizzard.
These days I can't quite shovel out the house without a warming libation afterwards... forty seven IS forty seven folks.
Since we got snow last night I had a chance to take stock of the distilled odds and ends I've stocked away against the specter of hard times and high snow drifts.
Let me note that I commence every winter with a nigh empty bottle of Gordon's Gin on hand, usually it has about a shot or so left sloshing around the bottle, a proud survivor of the relentless demand for cooling gin and tonics during the hot summer months.
Old Crow: A nice ten dollar bottom shelf sour mash whiskey, allegedly aged in the barrel for four years and with a label that suggests losing shoot outs against Clint Eastwood.
A much prized potation, heavily trafficked by Mark Twain, General Ulysses S. Grant and later on, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Best served on the rocks.
Evan Williams Bourbon, or as I like to call it "Unemployment Jack Daniels". This is a reliable budget bourbon with none of the almighty Zen-like enlightenment of Jack Daniels nor does it invite any degrading after-effects either. It comes with an ornate black label that guarantees some of it's sales are due to confusion with the Famous Tennessee Sour Mash. If Evan Williams was a US Senator, it'd be Maine's Susan Collins, safe, secure, uncompetitive and easy going.
Pikesville Supreme Straight Rye Whiskey This stuff is about as smooth as sandpaper and leaves a burning sensation in the mouth that seems to imply the distiller has been tossing "Atomic Fire Balls" into the mash. Nonetheless it does reheat the limbs nicely on a cold winter's night, I can't imagine mixing it with anything with any success.
Svedka Vodka Another hardy castaway from the heat of the summer. Mediocre vodka is merely something that demands a good mix to be a social success, a trophy wife as it were. Great vodka can be consumed neat as nothing should impair or obscure it's semi-divine sharpness. As such let me note that Sveska mixes very well with "Newman's Own Pineapple Juice".

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My Ghod!


Ray Dennis Steckler is DEAD!
Nobody tells me anything!!!

Ah but Ray was a wonder in his own way, he was the last of the independent producer-directors who sold exclusively to the drive in market also the first to become a do-it-yourself backyard film-maker...The man straddled some genres lemme tellya. I've often included "Ratfink a Boo Boo" on my list of the ten greatest films not out of a sense of whimsy but because I genuinely admire his attempt to stave off boredom by turning a cheap rip off of Psycho into a Batman and Robin parody.
Then there is his bizarre resemblance to former Bowery Boy Huntz Hall or his equally strange acting alter ego "Cash Flagg".
His enthusiasm, his lack of ego his wide ranging filmography (horror films, rock and rock extravaganzas soft core porn) mark him as ahead of his time.
Rest in Peace Ray there is no one out there quite like you.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Cancellation of Eliza (part II)


Dollhouse starring Boston's own Eliza Dushku has been unceremoniously cancelled after one and a half seasons!
The poor kid must be getting a complex, she will soon be rivaling the great Alison La Placa for an uninterrupted string of one and two season wonders.
In the case of "Dollhouse" producer Joss Whedon's core concept (brain wiped human robots assuming different roles each week at the behest of a sinister corporation) made it wee bit difficult to form an attachment with the protagonist even if she is the one and only Eliza Dushku. "The Prisoner" had the same problem as Patrick McGoohan's Number Six was all about denying his back story from his captors and by extension the viewers.
Well all I can say is, TV-land is a wasteland in extremis without Eliza D. raising holy hell on a weekly basis....helluva shame really.

Monday, November 16, 2009

My Last Three Movies:

The Informant! (2009) Directed by Steven Soderbergh...Won-der-ful film in every way, great performance from Matt Damon in serious "Heavenly Creatures" mode wherein it takes a good hour for the aud to realize the protagonist is completely bonkers. It is a funny movie in every way so we will see if any Oscar Buzz is generated off of Damon's portrait of a genial upwardly mobile nut job.
Zombieland (2009) Directed by Ruben Fleischer Best zombie flick I've seen since "Shaun of the Dead". A winning performance from Woody Harrelson but star turns also from co-stars Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone & Abigail Breslin. The ending doesn't make a whole lotta sense, but then it is a zombie flick and you have to expect a wheezy third act when the genre itself is heavily pre-populated with cliches.
As for the infamous cameo...Yer gonna have to go to some other blog to get it spoiled and hashed over, but rest assured it is preemo.
Amelia (2009) Directed by Mira Nair. Amelia Earhart (Hilary Swank channeling Hepburn) wants to fly, and to do it she'll endorse every product in the yellow pages and marry an oily publicity agent all to stay free above the clouds in a smartly painted biplane. Critics have lambasted this film for it's aimless plot and bio-pic cliches. However the writers consciously chose to depict Ms. Earhart as a free spirit of the air and lets face it, yer classic free spirits have little depth to them. And so it is with Amelia, rest assured despite the six inches of suds on the floor the whole thing is acted with a great deal of grit and panache, Ms. Swank almost accomplishes the James Deanian miracle of redeeming mediocre material... Almost but not quite.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Adorable scene in Menotomy this morning

When I go out to the car most mornings squads of middle schoolers are inevitably trudging by me on their way to the Junior High down the hill. This morning a flock of girls were prancing down the street clearly in no discernible hurry to get to school. Since we are all terrible provincials in this part of town kids tend to walk down the middle of the street sans demure since cars are infrequent things round' hyar. I generally let any kids in transit pass me by before pulling out as it just seems safer that way.
Well just as these girls had reached the stop sign down the block in front of me, a huuu-uge SUV roared around the corner and pulled up smartly right next to them on the curb, the driver's side window powered down, and an elegantly clad arm issued forth with expensive bracelets round the wrist clutching a brown sandwich bag in it's manicured hand.
Immediately the smallest of this aforementioned girlish gaggle detached herself from the group and deftly snatched away said back with a high pitched "Thanks MOM!" trilled on the breeze.
And with that the SUV roared away in a cloud of dust, the girls resumed their stately progress down the avenue without a care in the world.
All I could imagine was that moms was late for an early meeting at Ropes and Gray and took off out of the garage like the Batmobile howling "Amber forgot her luu-unch!!!!"

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Twilight of the Gods....

It is my sad duty to note the death of Brother Blue at the age of eighty-eight.
The very heavens do shake.
He was in palmier days, the wise counselor of my mis-spent youth.
A longtime fixture in Harvard Square, a man given to dancing atop the snow piles from the great blizzard of 1978, a storyteller, a friend to drifters, derelicts and children.
Now gone.
I will never again walk thru Harvard Square without wishing most ardently that he was still out on the damn triangle island in front of Wordsworth, rappin' on Othello (or as he called the moor "Big O")....It seems like I spent all four years of high school out there listening to him.
And when it came time for him to make his one and only feature film appearance, it was a foregone conclusion that he'd play Merlin in George Romero's modern Arthurian romance Knightriders (1981).
Typecasting to be sure, but what a natural!
The last time I saw him was maybe three years ago in front of the ART, it was clear time was at last digging it's claws into him, but he was still the friendliest most enthusiastic, most approachable of men.
He had many friends and no enemies, what more can be said of a superlative storyteller?

Rest in Peace Blue, put in a good word for us on the sidewalks of the hereafter, we are gonna need it.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

A belated word of thanks to

all our readers at this year's Bad Poets Society, the ranks were a bit thinner but the talent and zeal and hu-uge.

Sarah Bazydola
Gene Doucette
Jon Haber
Colin Buckley

and also our longer suffering "artist in residence" and the Bad Poets Society's director, Joseph Zamparelli Jr.

You guys all hold up the very heavens as far as I am concerned, again thanks.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

James McIntyre Invictus

Prophecy of a Ten Ton Cheese


In presenting this delicate, dainty morsel to the imagination of the people, I believed that it could be realized. I viewed the machine that turned and raised the mamoth cheese, and saw the powerful machine invented by James Ireland at the West Oxford companies factory to turn the great and fine cheese he was making there. This company with but little assistance could produce a ten ton cheese.

Who hath prophetic vision sees
In future times a ten ton cheese,
Several companies could join
To furnish curd for great combine
More honor far than making gun
Of mighty size and many a ton.

Machine it could be made with ease
That could turn this monster cheese,
The greatest honour to our land
Would be this orb of finest brand,
Three hundred curd they would need squeeze
For to make this mammoth cheese.

So British lands could confederate
Three hundred provinces in one state,
When all in harmony agrees
To be pressed in one like this cheese,
Then one skillful hand could acquire
Power to move British empire.

But various curds must be combined
And each factory their curd must grind,
To blend harmonious in one
This great cheese of mighty span,
And uniform in quality
A glorious reality.

But it will need a powerful press
This cheese queen to caress,
And a large extent of charms
Hoop will encircle in its arms,
And we do not now despair,
But we shall see it at world's fair.

And view the people all agog, so
Excited o'er it in Chicago,
To seek fresh conquests queen of cheese
She may sail across the seas,
Where she would meet reception grand
From the warm hearts in old England.

James McIntyre

And then there is James McIntyre, Canada's own delicated cheese lyricist. What makes his poetry so outstandingly bad aside from the dubious rhymes (exp: But it will need a powerful press This cheese queen to caress,)is that on the subject of cheese he is completely sincere! In fact over the course of his life, McIntyre managed to fill up an entire volume with nothing but poems about cheese. Of course by the turn of the century some sense of irony set in and his poems were syndicated mostly for their unintended comic effect thus proving bad poetry transcends the ages.
Anyhow let me remind you all, the Bad Poets Society returns to the Spiegel Auditorium at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education Tomorrow, Friday October 23rd at 8pm...admission a paltry $5 for a cornucopia of the world's worst verse! Once again we are deep in the throes of our research ceaselessly dredging poetry that makes last year's poesy look like freakin' Sophocles by comparison!
Don't miss it, now in it's tenth year (or so) of genteel substandard poetry mongering!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Ghod Bless Edgar Guest...

He is almost forgotten these days, but if he had not existed, the Bad Poets Society would have to invent him. No other "legacy bad poet" is quite so trite, self satisfied, banal and unctuously corny even by the standards of 1928 than was the late Mister Guest.
In his day though, he was a big deal, syndicated into hundreds of newspapers and magazines, collections of his poetry sold very well although today he is an absolute obscurity.
the reason for that is simple, lyric poetry is no longer a popular art form, one hundred years ago, even lowbrow publications like the Hearst newspapers all had full time poets on their rosters to compose suitable poetic copy - these days zilch nada.
A comparable will to poetry these days in a popular vein is exclusively founds in song writing, rap lyrics etc, no one writes odes to Mom's Apple Pie or their favorite overalls anymore, not at least the way Edgar Guest did.
Let us have a look at a typical Guestian effusion:


Hard Luck

Ain't no use as I can see
In sittin' underneath a tree
An' growlin' that your luck is bad,
An' that your life is extry sad;
Your life ain't sadder than your neighbor's
Nor any harder are your labors;
It rains on him the same as you,
An' he has work he hates to do;
An' he gits tired an' he gits cross,
An' he has trouble with the boss;
You take his whole life, through an' through,
Why, he's no better off than you.

If whinin' brushed the clouds away
I wouldn't have a word to say;
If it made good friends out o' foes
I'd whine a bit, too, I suppose;
But when I look around an' see
A lot o' men resemblin' me,
An' see 'em sad, an' see 'em gay
With work t' do most every day,
Some full o' fun, some bent with care,
Some havin' troubles hard to bear,
I reckon, as I count my woes,
They're 'bout what everybody knows.

The day I find a man who'll say
He's never known a rainy day,
Who'll raise his right hand up an' swear
In forty years he's had no care,
Has never had a single blow,
An' never known one touch o' woe,
Has never seen a loved one die,
Has never wept or heaved a sigh,
Has never had a plan go wrong,
But allas laughed his way along;
Then I'll sit down an' start to whine
That all the hard luck here is mine.

Edgar Albert Guest

I love the phony midwestern cadences, dialect poetry was very very big one hundred years ago, Rudyard Kipling wrote in a chest bursting barracks dialect for some of his best war-poems and the rest of the pack followed suit, James Whitcomb Riley being a notable Amercan practitioner as well as Edgar Guest.
These two lines are particularly significant:
An' growlin' that your luck is bad,
An' that your life is extry sad;

"Extry sad"?
Deliberately deploying bad english is always a sign the author wants to conceal something, or so George Orwell once reasoned. Here though, Guest is just slavishly desperate to rhyme in a fashion seemingly familiar and unthreatening to his audience.
Rest assured Guest churned out dreck like this on a daily basis for forty or more years and never once varied from his formula theThree S's "schmaltz, sentiment and self satisfaction". Like many of the other A-List bad poets down thru the years. Guest never ever betrayed the slightest artistic growth or even wavered in his perpetual interest in writing ever more lyrics in praise of his old fishing hat or some shoes he wears to do the gardening.
While Edgar Guest is technically proficient (compared to lyric ineptoid like William McGonagall), the sheer cataract of triteness that is his work marks the man down as unintentionally hilarious even at his most solemn.

Monday, October 12, 2009

William McGonagall, poet, tragedian & "Knight of the Burmese White Elephant"

Well know as the worst poet in the English Language, only received one paying poetry commission in his entire life.
The Sunlight Soap company paid him two guineas to compose some doggerel in praise of their product:

Sunlight Soap

You can use it with great pleasure and ease
Without wasting any elbow grease;
And when washing the most dirty clothes
The sweat won't be dripping off your nose
You can wash your clothes with little rubbing
And without scarcely any scrubbing;
And I tell you once again without any joke
There's no soap can surpass Sunlight Soap;
And believe me, charwomen one and all,
I remain yours truly, the Poet McGonagall.

Now THIS is a bad poem in extremis. The questionable rhyme in the first two lines, the wretched imagery, the complete failure to rhyme in lines seven and eight, reiterates soap twice in the same line, and to crown all McGongall inexplicably commends himself to charwomen "one and all" for a peroration.
And still Sunlight Soap paid him.
Gord Bambrick, has put forward the notion that McGonagall (who when weaving went bust took to the variety stage as a poet and occasional Shakespearean actor) deliberately wrote substandard poesy and in reading his word with pretended sincerity reaped definite financial rewards from playing the part of inept aspiring artist. This interpretation puts McGonagall closer to say Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat character than to a mere poetical bumbler.
Like Borat, McGonagall suffered for his art, "poet baiting" was all the rage in those days,local newspapers reported that the Poet was routinely pelted with rotten fruit in music halls all over Scotland.
For that privilege, McGonagall could count on wages around triple what a weaver could expect.
Bambrick's theory is interesting but I guess I'm a fundamentalist where McGonagall is concerned. I mean review the enclosed poem again, consider that he has been given a rare chance to write something with real commercial potential, if he turns in a good enough job who knows, maybe the "Burmese Knight of the White Elephant" can escape being cannonaded with old tomatoes in Glasgow?
And what does he do with this rare chance to escape? Nothing he turns in more of the rubbish he had been churning out for years, indeed he could do no other.
Well then again, McGonagall would not be the first artist to sell out for short money.

I guess...

this was NOT the day to try and comfort local sports fans with that old proverb, "It is only a game for God's sake!"

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Channel Zero is now

linking to the Happily Ever After" blog written by my old school chum Alexis Walker who wore a white lace bowler hat with a veil at her wedding.
I have the photos to prove it.
Anyway she is blogging about the romance novel genre (a gig she is trying to crack), I wish her well in all her endeavors.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Pick of the Week...

Undoubtably it is the House of Usher/Tomb of Ligeia double feature screening tonight both starring that Solon of Scariness, Vincent Price.
Alas owing to pressing family business I haven't been able to make full use of this Poe film series at the Brattle, however I did get out to see "The Black Cat" and "The Raven" last weekend.
"The Black Cat" (1934)is an incoherent mess but it is also the closest thing to gothic surrealism ever to star both Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi, who plays the nominal hero for once.
"The Raven" (1935) is just plain overwrought fun, Lugosi was already on the downside of his career and took to chewing the scenery like a starving man. Karloff is as always compulsively watchable even in a underwritten role as a monstrous henchman.

Monday, October 05, 2009

It is vaguely symbolic to be wandering around the

Bedford Mass Stop-n-Shop looking for bananas and Grape Nuts whilst Britney Spears is heard over the sound system warbling her paean to pederasty "No Longer a Girl, Not yet a Woman" (or whatever the hell it was called).
Honestly, imagine the sheer computer "programmability" that is routinely dedicated to making that young woman sound like a half competent twelve year old.
Imagine what good you could do with computer resources like that, fight third world AIDS, fly to the moon, any one of a number of things...But no first we've got to get Britney's tracks on key.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

On an errand of no great import

I found myself last Saturday afternoon down in the rehearsal spaces of the Berklee College of Music off Mass Ave. Strolling around down there is a amazement, perfect music issues from each and every rehearsal room, jazz, blues, piano concertos, kids jamming with electric guitars, it is the ultimate musical buffet to be sure.
Sure enough, I had a "Babbitt-ish" sort of thought, that is must be wonderful to be so young and gifted with music...Of course the kids lounging around the lobby likely felt differently, I had to gingerly step over a young girl's carelessly disgarded mandolin on my way out after all.
Ah youth ahhh whatever.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

On a day when one could not

visit one's father in the VA nursing home, then it is NOT recommended to be driving around Boston's Back Bay at twilight listening to "Siegfried's Funeral Dirge" by Richard Wagner.
Just a word of advice you unnerstan'.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Assuming this story is true...

then by a country mile, MacKenzie Phillips is still the reigning champ as The Most Messed Up Woman On the Face of the Earth.
I mean she had baggage as a teenaged TV starlet and she has even more today as a middle aged actress whatever it is, it just doesn't stop does it?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Jim Carroll is dead?

Helluva shame.
"Catholic Boy" was a great freakin' album, even if Jim's vocals did not justice even to Bob Dylan's celebrated wheezy croak.
And "The Basketball Diaries", great book, equal parts gritty and naive', truly Jim was the spiritual grandson of the Beats in every way, same spontaneous prose, same fascination with states of addiction and purity and the same spirit of urban adventure.
I used to listen to "City Drops into the Night" to pysche myself up for rehearsal back in my wandering days as a freshmen in one of Southern New Hampshire's Most Prestigious Catholic Colleges.
Catholic Boy indeed.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My Last Three Movies:

"The World's Greatest Dad" (2009) Directed by Bobcat Goldthwait - Robin Williams stars as a shleppy high school teacher who profits from faking his son's suicide (the lout in fact expired from auto-erotic asphyxiation) and then can't take the guilt and shame of his fraud. Yup, after a long haitus, Robin Williams is back scrounging for street cred in a low budget black comedy. Unfortunately his sense of sheer chutzpah has been dulled by years of easy ass work in dreck like "Patch Adams"or sentimental trash like "RV", that plus the fact that the script while audacious is light on laughs makes for an indifferent viewing experience. However mega props to Daryl Sabara who turns in a bravura performance as Williams' thoroughly appalling teenaged son whose death sets the whole mishaugas rolling.

"District 9" (2009) Directed by Neil Blomkamp - BEST sci-fi movie I've seen all summer! Directed by an unknown and full of unknown South African actors, I mean who knew???
Unsightly insectoid aliens land in South Africa, where they are immediately segregated into a giant shanty town and exploited mercilessly. Eventually their numbers grow to the point where the government resolves to relocate them to a concentration camp. Sharlto Copley plays a geeky bureaucrat charged with running the forced re-location at least until he gets exposed to some secret alien goo and starts mutating into one of them!
Science fiction preachments is one of the hardest genres to get right, so it is nice to see a good honest stab at using the prism of speculative fiction to examine issues of class and race, somewhere in Valhalla, Rod Serling is wiping away a tear.

Inglourious Basterds (2009) Directed by Quentin Tarantino - Well I wanted to like this one very much, I am normally a big QT apologist, but this film just rambles way too much despite its many virtues. chiefly a great star turn from Brad Pitt as "Aldo the Apache" a US Army commando sent to France with an all Jewish guerilla team to harass the Nazis in preparation for the Normandy invasion. Well they get mixed up in a bid to kill Hitler and the Nazi high command at a Paris film premiere. this all sounds great and a perfect set up for the old Tarantino ultra-violence, but the Basterds of the title get sidetracked half way thru the film while Melanie Laurent's story (a vengeful Jewish Theater owner in Paris) and Diane Kruger's arc (a turncoat German actress) hold sway. In short the story meanders horribly.
And another thing, Tarantino has a gift for great dialogue it is very baroque but the ear tunes to it naturally, when it is rendered as German or French subtitles something is definitely lost.
Nonetheless the performances are all very strong especially Eli Roth as a vengeful member of the Basterds and Christoph Walz as a Jew-hunting member of the SS, all very recognizable Tarantino character types. And let me take a moment to note that whatever else is lacking in this film, Tarantino does have the courage of his convictions, other directors would make a long discursive arc around the issue of historic accuracy, not Quentin though, he wants to put Hitler and Goering in a Parisian fire fight and damn the consequences, too bad the film is never more than the sum of it's parts.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Disney acquires Marvel Comics...

For what seems to me a bargain price of 4 billion USD, I mean the film rights alone to all five thousand assorted characters ought to be worth that along and here the Mouse gets the publishing division and assorted licensing goodies in the bargain.
Of course all this commerce is ironic when you consider that Marvel rose to market predominance in the early 1970's on the basis of a grim-n-gritty "heroes with problems" motif that was an explicit and very profitable repudiation of their rival DC's comics more "Disney-esque" version of super heroics.