Friday, February 25, 2011

The Eagle of the Ninth and Rebecca Cathcart-Monet

Some people have trouble making decisions.
Some women cannot figure out even to this day what they want to wear to work in under a half hour.
Rebecca Cathcart-Monet is all-decisiveness, except when she struts out onto the tarmac of her private aerodrome in Niftyborough NH and wracks herself with feminine indecision as to what classic style of avionics she favors when flying off to the movies.
For the record, she finally went with the Curtis Goshawk modified torpedo bomber...And you haven't lived til you've seen a Curtis Goshawk modified torpedo bomber execute a perfect three point landing in shopping mall parking lot in Newington NH.

Well whatever, biplane or turboprop I could still see her trademark orange scarf a mile off...this was a special day, I got to pick the movie (I think likely she was keen on it and simply never mentioned it to me, Rebecca is phlegmatic that way)..."The Eagle"!
No Satan, no demons, no Nick Cage muttering incantations...nope just hardly Roman soldiery and their devoted slaves scouring ancient Scotland for the lost eagle standard of the annihilated ninth legion.
So its a buddy movie, I mean forget about Tacitus...this is "Lethal Weapon" on horseback!
Channing Tatum's Marcus Aquila is a stalwart Roman soldier who wants to avenge his father's annihilation at the hands of the Picts by recovering the legionary eagle standard, James Bell's Esca is a local who is along for the ride. Considering that he hates the Romans with a passion he sure is steadfastly devoted his his nominal master...But then a trip home is a trip home for college students and Roman slaves I guess.
But then, there is always a whiff of hetero life partner love to these kinds of movies, the fun is solely invested in watching the buddy movie tropes get effortlessly exported to Roman occupied Britain.
The only thing lacking was Joe Pesci done up in Centurion drag, as such the duties of "exposition delivery & all around familiar face fell to a white bearded Donald Sutherland.
Otherwise, the movie doesn't make a lot of sense sense (Esca sticks by his master despite many opportunities to run off and pretty much turns on his own) and the big payoff battle in the end involves deux et machina Roman deserters rallying to the colors at the last minute.
Sort of like "They Died with their Sandals On"...but with an upbeat ending!

A mess but a hawt mess nonetheless...and yes I covet Channing Tatum's superheroic chin.
Rebecca though, smiled serenely as we exited and opined that the whole thing was a sort of peplum version of "Apocalypse Now" to which I rejoined that I'd a paid good money to see the late Marlon Brando painted up as a blue-assed Pict.
She laughed, cried contact!
And I spun the propeller, I'm getting good at this...

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